It Changed How I Viewed Myself

It doesn’t happen often, but once in awhile I get on the other side of the camera. This week I had the opportunity to model for workshop hosted by Matt Matthews , a photographer who is well known in the industry. I am by no means a model, I’m using that term loosely. I think the word “model” scares women because we can’t relate to the word. I don’t look in the mirror and say “oh yes, I’m a model”. But let me tell you, after seeing these images, I can relate!

It’s my job as a boudoir photographer to make women feel beautiful. I show them a version of themselves that they may have lost sight of, or never even knew existed within them. I was taught by a photographer I look up to {Jen Rozenbaum} that my job as a boudoir photographer is to make women look as good as they look in person, if not better. I know that boudoir is a powerful experience, I’ve seen it change my clients lives time and time again. It’s changed my own life. But this time being in front of the camera, changed how I view myself.

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Get ready for a run on sentence…

I struggle with my weight, I have a complex about my nose being too big, I regret ever touching my hair when I was younger because now it’s short, I think my boobs are too small, my butt is too big, my thighs are too thick, I hate the bumps I have on my arms, I don’t feel worthy of love. The list goes on and on. BUT, looking at these images ALL I SEE is a beautiful, badass woman and I am still shocked that it’s me.

I preach about creating a life you love. But what does that mean?

It means waking up each morning feeling like you are exactly where you WANT to be, not where you THINK you SHOULD be. You should be excited about your life & inspired by it! It means putting yourself first, in every way. I’m talking financially, emotionally, physically & spiritually. Touchy subject, I know, but there’s no way if you’re putting other’s needs before your own that you are living a life you love.

Do I live a life I love everyday? NO! But I try to do something everyday to get me closer to that life. This photoshoot only makes me want a life I love even more. Since the photoshoot I have looked in the mirror with more confidence. I haven’t said “I hate my body” like I did every day before it for as long as I can remember.

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Make the commitment to yourself to step outside of your comfort zone and do something that will bring you closer to where you WANT to be. Stop making excuses. Put yourself first. Give yourself permission to do what you want without needing someone else’s permission.

This was the BEST experience I’ve had on the other side of the camera and I’m kicking myself in my big butt for not doing it sooner. I missed out on years of confidence that I should have had in myself all along. I see my worth, and to me, that’s been the most empowering part of this experience.